The Half Blood King
by oinkoinker
Summary: Severus Snape thrives in an atmosphere of intrigue, but fighting on three fronts can be difficult even for an experienced double agent. Especially since his secretary would like to see him kissed. Featuring Luna and Lockhart. No ships. AU. Subtle Parody.
1. Chapter 1

Usual disclaimers.

Chapter I: The Half Blood Prince

Albert Stumf-Hamilton considered the man seated in front of him. The mad did not look particularly impressive. He wasn't tall, certainly not handsome, but still had a strange sort of presence. The man hadn't responded at all in spite of learning, what in Albert's opinion was life changing news. He had sat still, his face a mask. If it hadn't been for the man blinking, or the occasional pert question, Albert would have wondered whether he had been addressing a statue. It was as if they hadn't even discussed the weather. At least the minister had shown some response when he had informed him. In fact, Fudge had looked rather green, as if he would be sick.

Tired of the silence, he said, "We'll have to inform the papers soon. This can't be kept secret for long. We'd like your decision." The man did not answer. Instead, he looked at Albert piercingly. Uncomfortable, Albert averted his eyes.

"I need time to think."

"The minister knows. It will be in the news tomorrow."

The man lifted an eyebrow, the rest of his face still expressionless. "That is _your_ problem. _You _should have come to me first. You can hardly expect me to make a decision such as this at such short notice."

"There are others who know. The entire household. Besides, the minister had to be informed. It is a matter of protocol..."

"I shall _think_ about the matter Mr. Stumf-Hamilton," the words sounded as if they had been addressed to a particularly slow insect rather than a senior government official, "protocol is one thing stupidity is another. I will not be forced to make a decision without considering all its implications. Good Day. I am sure you can find your way out."

The man stood up, and without a glance, stalked out of the room, black robes billowing behind him as he walked, not bothering to look if Stumf-Hamilton had left.

-

Severus Snape had never imagined that he'd ever hear what he just had. It was as if all his boyhood dreams had suddenly come true now that the only person he had wanted to impress was dead. Power and glory - he had desired both in his youth to impress her. A girl who no longer existed. Because of him. To make make matters worse, all that he was now promised could yet come to nought. He was a double agent, even if an uneasy peace had lasted for eleven years. Dumbledore was sure the Dark Lord would return, and if Snape had learnt one thing, it was that Dumbledore was nearly always correct. It was to him that he was going to turn for advice now.

The gargoyle leapt aside as Snape gave the password (strawberry lollies) and let the Potions Master enter.

Albus Dumbledore was seated at his desk, a potions article in his hand, while a quill made notes on a parchment as he read. Seeing Snape, he motioned him into the chair across his desk but continued with the article. Snape remained standing, "Heasmaster, this is important and urgent."

The headmaster looked up to see his Potions Master standing stiff, like a soldier at attention.

"I gather this isn't about Gilderoy Lockhart approaching you to assist him in the duelling club then?" Dumbledore said, trying to get the man to relax.

Snape's lips twitched in spite of himself, "no headmaster, a rather interesting situation has developed. It seems that there are things about my mother's family that I had been unaware of. I have just been informed by Mr. Stumf-Hamilton, perhaps you have heard of him. He's just left my office. This information may have some far reaching consequences. I need your advice."

"You shall have it. What is the problem."

"It is rather hard to explain, perhaps if you would care to allow me to use your pensieve we may view it together."

Dumbledore nodded. Snape pointed his wand to his temple and placed the white strands that leaked out into the carved stone basin.

Together they entered Snape's memories.

A swirling sensation later and both of them landed in Snape's office, the shelves lined with rather unpleasant jars of pickled slimy things. The Snape in the memory stood up to greet the rather polished man in front of him. The man's robes, like Snape's were black, but the similarity ended there. Where Snape's robes were unremarkable, made of simple wool, merely functional, the man's robes were of the finest quality, his cuffs inlaid with thread of goblin silver. They were robes that Lucius Malfoy would wear.

Dumbledore and Snape watched the memory unfold:

"Prof. Snape, I need to speak with you on a matter of utmost importance. I am Albert Stumf-Hamilton, Permanent Secretary, Ministry of Magic." He presented his card as he spoke. It was plain, except for the ministry insignia embossed in gold at the top left. It read:

Albert Stumf-Hamilton, WIC, O.M. (First Class)

Permanent Secretary, Ministry of Magic

Memory Snape glanced at the card curiously but said nothing. Albert Stumf-Hamilton however needed no invitation to launch into his story. He had no time for niceties.

Sitting down, he looked at Snape once more, "You received my note?"

Snape nodded curtly.

"As I had mentioned this is regarding your mother's ancestry. I suppose you don't know much of her family?" When Snape didn't respond, he went on, "it seems she descended from a cadet branch of the royal family. Untitled. They adopted the surname Prince. A sort of vestige of their royal forebears." 

"I thought there aren't any wizarding princes"

"They have been irrelevant for some time now. You see, about one hundred and fifty years ago, King Gregory IV proved himself to be a rather unpopular monarch. So were the rest of the family. The people disliked the king, but did not fancy any of his heirs succeeding him either and the power vacuum that would have resulted if the king were to be deposed would likely have led to anarchy. The Minister at the time Ignatius Ogg decided to exploit a loophole. The law states that while the monarch is alive, in whatever state he may be, he rules. So instead of killing him, he merely engineered the king's accident with a dementor. Technically, the King was still alive, so the Ministry continued to function and the responsibilities of magical Britain were shared between the Ministry, the Minister and the Wizengamot. Victims of a dementor's kiss can survive for centuries. The princes lost their importance. Until today. The King is dead."

Albert Stumf-Hamilton stared at Snape. He had seen no visible reaction on the man's face. It had merely become more mask like. Then Albert added, "the main line of the family is dead too. They fought each other hoping to bag the throne for themselves. You are next in line."

Snape steepled his fingers and closed his eyes in thought. Stumf-Hamilton spoke, "We need your decision - whether you intend to accept the title or whether you wish to abdicate."

"I need time to think."

-

The memory dissolved. Dumbledore and Snape returned to the Headmaster's round study.

Snape saw with some satisfaction that the information had shocked Dumbledore.

"Headmaster, what do you think I should do?"

"Severus, I need time to think."

Snape sat quietly in his usual chair across Dumbledore once again, watching the headmaster lost in thought. They had sat there for hours till a house elf meekly informed Prof. Snape that he had missed his class. Snape swore (the frightened elf disappeared with a pop) and got up in order to rush to his next class when Dumbledore motioned him to remain seated. He looked at him seriously before addressing him, "I think you have higher priorities. The newspapers will know by tomorrow. You will have to make your decision by then." He paused, "the position may give you unprecedented power, and yet your situation ensures you cannot be your own man. An accident of birth makes you more powerful than Voldemort by default and I hardly think he'll be pleased when he returns. On the other hand, should you turn it down...who is next in line after you?"

"Two cousins, my uncle's children - my father's brother - both are muggles."

"They won't last a second! Can you imagine Lucius Malfoy bowing to a Muggle!"

"He bowed to a half blood quite regularly. But I suppose not. You think I should accept?"

"I really don't know. I am trying to evaluate what would happen. If you accept, when Voldemort returns he would use you to further his own schemes before disposing off you - you can't be King while he calls himself Lord - but he wouldn't do it immediately, only when he has consolidated his power. Worse, the ministry is not fond of you, and the Order distrusts you. You will be attacked from all sides..."

"But the Dark Lord isn't there now"

"You seem to have forgotten last year, Severus. It is only a matter of time."

The irritated voice of Phinneas Nigellus Black interrupted Dumbledore, it addressed Snape, "don't be daft, boy! How many people get the opportunity to be King? A bunch of people would want to kill you. So what? Bloody difference that's going to make. Nearly everyone wants to kill you anyway. Don't look at _him_, it will have to be your decision in the end."

Snape couldn't help but smile. "You know, Headmaster," he said addressing both Professors Black and Dumbledore simultaneously, "I think I shall accept after all."

Phinneas Nigellus looked at Snape happily, "Excellent decision, Your Majesty!"

Snape looked stunned for a minute and then smiled - Your Majesty - he could get used to that. 


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** This chapter is sort of a transitional chapter, and was rather hurriedly written, so there really isn't much that happens here. For that I apologise. If you find any spelling/grammatical errors please let me know. I'll correct them when I update next. Grammar Nazis are welcome as is constructive criticism. I know it's a bit disjointed, but I really wanted to get to the fun bits in the next chapter. I suppose I ought to get a Beta...

Oh, and thanks to all who reviewed!

* * *

><p>Chapter II: The Pure Blood Princess<p>

Albus Dumbledore stared as his Potions Master announced his decision but he wasn't really surprised. He would have done the same. The offer was indubitably quite irresistible though the uncertainty continued to gnaw at him. Severus Snape was not a stupid man, but could he handle intrigue at the highest levels? Besides, Snape was his only spy in the Death Eater ranks. It would be impossible to replace him. Dumbledore could not deny that the idea of Severus Snape as King worried him. Besides, Dumbledore knoew that Snape had little knowledge of the machinations of the Royal Secretariat. He doubted even the Malfoys did. The Secretariat had been in absolute power for over a century. Even the ministry's powers were limited power, which was why they had been in perpetual disarray for the last hundred years. Their power had become so entrenched that the rise of Dark Lords were petty squabbles to them. Dumbledore knew through experience. He had dealt with him in '45, and even _he_ had not come out completely unscathed. Perhaps through Snape he could gain some influence over them. That would be something. Though a pressing problem remained, as a man in authority, he would have to for one, take sides, either Dumblerore's, Voldemort's or his own. Of course Snape could, in theory now become his own man, but he doubted the Secretariat would allow him. Any of his choices could get him killed, or worse, as had happened with his predecessor. In such an eventuality he would have to ensure a smooth succession. Snape would have to appoint his heir before the world came to know. He had about twelve hours to decide. After which he'd have to get that stupid succession law changed...

Surveying the man across him, Dumbledore said seriously, "Severus, you'll need an heir. An heir known to be against Voldemort. It is the only way both sides can retain power after he rises once again. You can maintain you were forced into it by me. It wouldn't be untrue."

Snape looked at Dumbledore stunned, "You want me to get married?"

"That, Severus, is up to you. Though if I may point out, it would take at least ten years for any child of your own to gain any semblance of rationality. No, I was thinking of you adopting an heir for the time being. Naturally, any natural born children at a later date would take precedence as far as succession is concerned, but this would be quicker, easier, and for the time being, safer."

"Have you anyone in mind?" Snape asked, dreading the answer before it came. "Harry Potter," they said together. Dumbledore smiled. Snape looked murderous, "over my dead body."

"It makes sense Severus, the boy is a symbol against Voldemort, he is an orphan whose adoption can be arranged easily."

"No! I will not adopt Potter's child. I will protect him with my life. That is all. Besides, he'd have played into some one's hands before he could finish saying his own name."

"Whom would you like?"

"Malfoy," Snape stated simply even though he knew that there was no way that Dumbledore would agree. Snape wouldn't have done it either. It was merely one extreme of a bargaining position. He just wanted to reinforce the fact that Harry Potter was the other extreme as far as he was concerned. He knew both of them would put forth ridiculous ideas till they could find a compromise.

He added, his voice earnest, "his parents would be ecstatic. He is an aristocrat born and bred. He does not believe in sharing power either. The Dark Lord would have lost his most powerful follower."

"Out of the question Severus, you know it. You'd be dead within twenty four hours of naming him your heir. Longbottom perhaps. Lost both his parents, as old a lineage as they come, if you are concerned about that sort of thing, on the right side of the war, easily adopted..."

"Parkinson, smarter, no association with the Dark Lord. Ambitious but clean."

"Unsavoury associates, not too many friends. Children her age are easily swayed by the charismatic." Dumbledore looked pointedly at Snape. It was a nasty jab but not far from the truth, "How about Granger? Brilliant, definitely on the right side, not easily manipulated, the Boy Who Lived her best friend, contacts with the Weasleys."

Snape considered. Dumbledore had a point. Hermione Granger was smarter than most people gave her credit for. They merely thought her bookish. Snape knew better. It would have taken more than memorising ability, something akin to intellectual prowess, to solve the puzzle that he had set to protect the Philosopher's stone but he also knew she was Dumbledore's through and through. Just like the marauders had been. He wanted someone who wasn't as close to the Headmaster as Potter and his friends. He needed some one on _his_ side.

"No, Headmaster, she has a family."

"They are muggles, Severus, and looking at the girl, undoubtedly want her to do well. They wouldn't mind if they saw it as a scholarship or award for intellectual achievement. She is intelligent and brave."

"I would be uncomfortable, Headmaster. Her proximity with Potter would result in a rather explosive situation. We can barely stand each other. I can't keep her away from her friends, which I would undoubtedly wish to do should I become her guardian."

Dumbledore conceded Snape's point. He really couldn't force a man into adopting a child. At the same time he hoped he would select someone Dumbledore could put his trust in. If Snape had one major weakness, it was that he let his prejudices overwhelm him too easily. It was this weakness that had caused Snape to join Riddle in the first place. Dumbledore needed to ensure that Snape's choice would not be made out of spite.

"You have some time left Severus, I advise you to think well. Let me know your choice. It would be unpleasant for all concerned should you choose unwisely." Dumbledore's eyes looked piercingly at Snape. The younger man nodded. He understood the threat. Dumbledore was capable of anything for the greater good. Snape realised that his first challenge had already cropped up, and he hadn't even announced his decision to Stumf-Hamilton. It struck Snape for the first time how complicated his life was going to become.

Snape thanked the headmaster and left his office. He needed a break, something to keep his mind off things for an hour or so before he could think objectively. For the first time in eleven years he thought of teaching as a way to straighten out his mind, especially seeing that it was scheduled to be first year Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. It would be perfect. No idiots sabotaging each others' potions, no exploding or melting couldrons, nothing combusting spontaneously. It would be nothing out of the ordinary. He couldn't have been more wrong.

On the bright side, after a rather interesting potions class, he did know exactly who would succeed him.

Later at lunch he told the headmaster without any prologue, "I think I'll ask Luna Lovegood. First year Ravenclaw. Rather charming girl. A bit misunderstood by her peers, which in our case is an added advantage, as a bit of a loner her friends won't be much of a problem."

"Luna Lovegood? I really don't know much of her. First year Ravenclaw you say?"

"Yes," Snape said, "the poor child lost her mother in a potions accident. Her father has never been the same. He used to edit the Quibbler. I understand it is no longer circulated. It wouldn't be difficult to secure her adoption. Officially, she can be my heir, and her father can stay with us. I have no intention of taking up any parental responsibilities."

"Loyalties?"

"I can hardly speak for the girl. She's barely eleven. It's unlikely that she has any sympathies towards the Dark Lord, or even dark magic for that matter. Though one can never say. Pettigrew got an Order of Merlin for loyalty and courage, if I remember correctly. Appearances can be deceptive. To be honest though, I find her quite extraordinary. Her parents however, if I remember a particular Quibbler article, were vehemently against the Dark Lord."

Dumbledore agreed, but he certainly did not look particularly happy about it. Dumbledore had never cared much for the Quibbler, and he really did not know the Lovegoods. He knew that after his pointed threat, Snape would not be foolish enough to make an enemy of him, but he knew nothing of this Ms. Lovegood. Dumbledore recognised the choice as a compromise.

Snape looked happier than he'd been in ages, "Thank you, Headmaster."

He just couldn't wait till Dumbledore met the girl. If eccentricity was a sign of genius, then Dumbledore would be outclassed by an eleven year old girl.

Dumbledore was rather stunned to see the ordinarily expressionless eyes of Severus Snape twinkling.

* * *

><p>Albert Stumf-Hamilton was not having a good day. In fact, he was having one of the worst days of his life. The King was dead. The ministry could lose power, and that too to that horrible school master. A bloody teacher. A half-blood who had apparently been brought up in some muggle slum. He shuddered.<p>

When he had read Severus Snape's profile in the files that had been brought to him he had been glad. A poor half-blood school teacher should be easily controlled. Why, Fudge had been house trained within the month, and he was a career politician. As a matter of fact Snape had seemed the ideal candidate. A teacher: supposedly meek, taught children, not particularly ambiliuous, certainly respectable...school teachers were supposed to know nothing of administration or politics. They were supposed to listen to what their more experienced advisors told them. So he had thought. Till he met the man. He realised now why the minister had looked green. The man hadn't reacted at all. Hadn't given an inkling about his real feelings, and had demanded time to think.

Albert had developed a grudging respect for Snape but could not dismiss the thought that as far as the ministry was concerned, This would be bad. Severus Snape wouldn't be a walk over. Severus Snape needed to be contained. If things went badly, perhaps dementor body guards wouldn't be amiss...the last King had been terrible at the patronus charm. There was obviously much more to this man. The idiot who had compiled the biography needed to be sacked. He had asked Umbridge to bring in a more detailed bio. He had been told that Umbridge liked finding the dirt on people. He looked at his watch impatiently. Where on earth was she? He needed to report to the Secretariat within a couple of hours. He hated meeting the people at the Secretariat. They acted all superior, though not without reason. Meeting them was always unnerving.


End file.
